Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Cringe | The Small Desk

I spend a lot of my life cringing. I cringe at myself, I cringe at other people, I cringe at YouTube videos, but mostly I cringe at myself.

I'm one of those people who just cannot face anything to do with performing, but when I see other people performing I see them as the ones with all the success. I look at famous actors and actresses as having it all, those YouTubers who put themselves on camera as winning at life, and don't start me on live bands: well Muse just make me feel like I've already failed at life. But then the problem is that I cannot bring myself to speak to a camera, to even pretend that I'm acting in a mirror, or God forbid play an instrument in front of an audience.

I just find the idea of performing cringe. I don't always watch other people and cringe, and even if I didn't watch myself back I would still cringe at the process. I do not know how people get over it.

I'm pretty happy with my voice, and am definitely considering doing a podcast, but even saying that makes me cringe. Being even the tiniest bit happy with one part of myself makes me cringe a little bit inside. But why!?

I love to write, but even then I sometimes cringe at what I write. I sort of want a disclaimer alongside me all the time, saying – I'll probably cringe at some point today at what I just said to you, it'll probably be a second after I said it.

But then sometimes I think you just have to put yourself out there, and accept the cringe. Accept that I will cringe after I've spoken to my boss like I'm his boss; accept that I will cringe after I've spoken about a big project at a industry-wide meeting; and accept that I will cringe when I put up a more personal blog post.

At the end of the day if you don't do cringe-inducing things you'll never get where you want to get, you'll never feel like you're winning, and let's face it, everyone fakes it to make it. So here's to 2016, and accepting the cringe.

Do you cringe? Do you believe in the phrase 'fake it to make it'?


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